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Awesome awesome awesome day =]

I KNOW I got an 'A' on my Psychology test . . .
I played on the swings. . .
Fed the birds Subway. . .
I had the best time in the wooooorld with eddie [eskimo kiss]. . .
Went to that awkward Real Estate career night thingy majig. . . everyone was 70 except me. . .
ate a raisin-oatmeal cookie. . .
bought yummy food at Sun Harvest. . .
now i'm going to sleep early.

i couldn't be happier =]
te amo eddie.
gracias por todo, jota.

I had the most ridiculous breakdown two nights ago, thank GOD Eddie was there to help me through it. I go into these panic attacks and they just entirely consume me. . . i'm so sick and tired of them. But they're there for a reason, I just need to learn to cope with them.
it's not his fault.
i did this to myself.

NO hardy partying till 6 a.m. this weekend lol. Eddie is out of town =/ Yes yes yes, he consumes me. And he's all I want to talk about. Why?
Because he's fucking fantabulous. [squishy]

she is shy.

I'm really happy for him, he's where he wants to be.
I on the other hand, bleeehh, I think far too much. =]

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy as well! Eddie is a fantabulous friend, he's ridiculously awesome. I'm glad someone like that has come into my life. I just really hope he sticks around =] But there's something missing?
I fucked up, big time, and it's going to take me a while to look past that.
I feel awkwardly, out of place.
As if there's somewhere that I need to be, yet i can't. Lust is a pain in my ass.

I think I've said this 14 times so far this year but it feels like its a good time again. I need a damn break. From everything. I want to forget, soooo bad. It just hurt me and left a dent, I was at a point where I was very vulnerable and it feels like I got my heart stepped all over, again. I still get the knot in my throat everytime I think about it. And honestly, I still cry to it.
He told me he was going to be there for me, he hasn't.
He told me I was the most beautiful girl, i wasn't.
He told me we were going to remain friends, deceit.

Eddie tells me to not bother caring for someone who isn't going to give me the time of day. I agree. I don't know why I care half of the time, why I keep doing this to myself when I know it's no good.
sex ruins everything in this world.
i overreact. he's been very nice. he just needs space. i dont blame him. i'm exhausting.

they attacked only-

Today was a really good day =]
I don't know why, but thats aside the point.

I'm dropping my art history class because it sucks butt-butt and i can't waaaaaait to NOT go back. I swear I won't mess up like this next semester.

I'd never be a stripper. even if it pays really well.

i wouldn't eat chicken either. even if daniel tries to sneak it in my food like he says he's going to. i'm tired of capitalizing the word at the beginning of the sentense.

I've been hanging out with eddie a lot, it's fantabulous. he doesn't touch me. i don't have sex with him. we don't aim to get into each other pants. that's a relief, i don't want anything to go to hell between us. i want him around forever.

i want michelle around too.
and ivy, minus the part where she's not allowed to stay out late =/
and sigiiiiiiiiifredo andujo

i'm not going to stop partying every weekend so get over it. Not untill i shit my liver.


It hurts, it truly does.
My friend that I met through livejournal, Tony [blackseraph] passed away this wednesday. [sigh] it's so surreal. I don't care if you say it's pathetic, that I don't even know if he existed. You can feed me a ton of crap,i don't care. It hurts to know he's gone, that I won't talk to him again.

Tony was one of the first people I met when I got my account 6 years ago and he had stuck with me since. I'll always remember our midnight chats, gah, it's too much. It's all in my heart and I'll keep him there.

rest in peace, tony.
te quiero mucho

frump. ??

EDIT: I don't love Sergio as a person. I could go by everyday without hearing his name. The constant phone calls and text messaging at 3 a.m. got to be too much. . . I had to change my cell phone number. Thank GOd I got that out of the way.

As for everything else, I'm just trying to hold onto the good stuff =]
The ice skating
the zoo
the office

I miss tarutaru too much. Not so much as a relationship, just a simple friendship you know? It seems we've lost touch of that too. =/ I'm just being overdramatic haha. I'll stop!

Jan. 30th, 2007

December was the best month.
Not only because of the food, but because everything changed.
I turned 20, I fell out of love, I met him, I had no clue what was to come. I wouldn't change anything of what has happened.
Daniel said that sex complicates, and it does. I feel like this horrible monster at times, haha, I don't want things between sergio and I to turn into some 'just sex' fling. I care for him but I could never go back and put myself in that situation again. He loves me to death and I believe him when he cries and tells me has changed, but too much has happened. Love wasn't enough. I fell out of love. That doesn't mean I no longer love him, I always will, as an individual. But I am no longer in-love with him. We grew up together and I'd be a moron to ignore everything we went through together for the sake of my emotions. I can't deny this.
I've never been so confused about what do. Do I feel okay talking to him? Should I wait longer? He hit me, I'm stupid for even talking to him, right? We shouldn't end on bad terms? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't want to hurt my own. I want someone to tell me what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to about this, it would be a biased answer or piece of advice. Someone?

I've lost a couple of pounds in the process.

My bunny Betelgeuse can't hold both of his ears up at the same time, he can only pull one up. If he pees on my leg one more time, I'm going to make him into soup.

I missed writing in you, LJ. Myspace ruins lives but you don't.


I haven't witten on here in so long. . . everything has changed. School. Work. Sex.

I'm going to school full-time this semester, simply for the fact that I was going to get a ton of money. And I did. And I bought pretty shirts. I haven't gotten the chance to go thrift whoring. . . simply because of work.
I actually like it now, a lot. I'm lucky to have the job that i have. [nod]
[i cannot STAND my brothers voice, it makes me want to kill him]
I need to go to the doctor, I think I need my meds again. Everything upsets me. I have ticks that will not go away, and it makes me lash out a people. My brother, mainly. He's actually the only one.

Sergio and I broke up.
I started seeing Daniel.
I fucked up in that too.

I have no interest in explaining the details. There are good ones and bad ones.
I need a nap.

Duh duh duh duh duh duuuuun

If you don't go, you're a sick-ass, little bitch. =]

United Photo = crazy ass genie

I'm supposed to be doing homework but I refuse! I'm rebelling.

I've been dizzy and nauseous aaallllllll day, my head is throbbing, I hope I'm not pregnant. I forgot to take my BC yesterday. MMmmmgph.

Well let's see, let's sum it up.
I started working at United Photography, the best fickin' printing lab in the w-o-r-l-d. I'm going to learn how to do everything and overthrow my boss. I'm kidding. He's from the hood and as cool as kool-aid, I respect him. I feel awkward at times because I'm the youngest one there, AND the hottest one there, everyone else doesn't go below 40. Soy una 'levanta pasiones'. Mhm. That's me. And the coolest part is. . . I'M GOING TO COME OUT IN THE COMMERCIAL!!!

I'm not an aspiring photographer, I'm actually an aspiring actress. This is my ticket.

I was supposed to go take some shots of Zach's band last night but I got home and died on the bed. Piggy and I were exhausted. I felt bad. I need to call him and explain, I don't want to be on Jesus's bad side. Nuh uh.

Speaking of pigg-ay. . . He's living with us now! It's so nice =] His mother is hell on a stick and kicked him out so my parents are letting him stay with us until he can get back on his feet. My mom is making food, so I'm gone.

Just, wait.

Cannot WAIT until this comes out. 9/12. Go get it at Target for $8.98
You won't be my friend unless you do. That way we can sing it together =]
And I'll test you! While we're driving I'll just pop it in and if you don't know the song I'll frickin' fuck your face and push you out of the car while I'm going really, really fast.

This month is going to be tough. If we get through it, we can get through anything.
You are everything I want. . .
Cause you're everything I'm not. . .

I have some really dirty, raunchy ass pictures from our trip to Galveston but am far too lazy to hook up my camera. =] Just, wait.

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